too bad you live with your parents still
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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