Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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