new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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