he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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