I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
