she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
