you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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