Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
