Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
