I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
