i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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