Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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