just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
