i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
