When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
