I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
