I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
