Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
