Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
