i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
