we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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