I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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