Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
