what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
