Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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