lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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