Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
