fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
