I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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