the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
