can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
