The maid of honor just puked.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
