dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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