that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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