Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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