Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just pee around me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
