THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
