I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
