I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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