I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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