shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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