Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest

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(646): View more from New York

They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

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(707): View more from California

You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Dangr zzzzzzzzone

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.

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(+07): View more from

I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..

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