dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
