did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
