i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
