I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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