whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
