My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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