sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
