Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
