so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
