Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
