my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
