I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
