your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
