I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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