i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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