So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
